Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Weigh In Wednesday!!

Well folks it's that time again! Weigh in day and while I feel like utter crap today I can't help but smile because...I lost another 5 POUNDS. That is a whopping 32 pounds gone from my body. I have surpassed yet another goal which I can't believe. Wasn't it just last week that I met another goal? Before long I will be blowing past the next one and I will have to make some new ones! I originally wanted to lose 50 pounds before my 30th birthday but I think I need to change that. What do you think it should be? I am thinking that at this rate perhaps 80 pounds is reachable. That seems so insane to me (yet wonderful).

I am heading back to bed now safe in the knowledge that I rocked the hell out of this week! I will leave you all with this little home remedy.

Make your own heating pad:

1. Find an old tube sock (make sure it's clean)
2. Fill the toe up with rice (not instant just regular rice)
3. Tie a knot to keep the rice in the sock
4. Place in microwave for 2-3 minutes (I personally only do 1 minute because I don't like it too hot).  If it is too hot place a towel around it to protect your skin.

Enjoy the healing power of heat!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Dealing with Loss

Today we had to put down my sweet dog Scooby. It was sudden and overwhelming but there was nothing we could for him other than make sure he was out of pain. He was a great dog. Funny, a big mush, odd at times but always loving. I have never had to put down a pet before and it hit me harder than I imagined. I think that is in part due (largely I think) to the fact that I no longer have a barrier (i.e. food) to my emotions. I just had to let the sadness come and cry. I hate crying, more than most things, because it always feels unstoppable. Like once you start it's never going to end. However, as we all know, the tears stop and you move on. I wasn't there for when they put him down but I did go and say my good byes. It was scary. I have dealt with death before, more than I would like to think about but I was always at a distance. I wasn't there when any relative passed away, just funerals (which is hard enough). I know that losing Scooby wasn't as hard as losing my Uncle but it was still upsetting none the less. 

I can come away from this knowing that I didn't give into G calling me to eat away the pain. He did win a small battle in that I did have a cigarette. However, I am not going to beat myself up for it. I did it, it's done, and I won't be having any more. I did the best I could and that is all I can ask of myself.

                                                                Rest In Peace Scoobers

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Weigh-In Wednesday!!

It is with overwhelming excitement that I bring you my weekly weigh-in. Are you all ready for this? Seriously, I hope you are sitting down (I gather you are otherwise you are reading me on the go and that is not advised!). So for this week I have lost.....9 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!! Let that number sink in folks...9 freaking pounds!  I had to weigh myself 4 times this morning just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating! That brings my 1st month total to...27 POUNDS. What does 27 pounds look like?

How about this....

 Or this...

Or even...

I LOST A FREAKING CANOE PEOPLE!!! That is so hard to wrap my brain around that I can't help but laugh (not a ha-ha laugh, more like a "I wouldn't sit next to you on the subway" kind of laugh) I have officially blown past my first goal and am just a mere 3 pounds away from my second goal (haircut here I come!). I am euphoric today and am so proud of myself. I know there is only more moments like this to come!  

Monday, July 19, 2010

Oh How Time Flies!!!

I am in slight disbelief as I write this but I have reached 1 month on Medifast. It's incredibly surreal. Some day's I feel as though I have been on it for months and others I can't believe how time has flown. One month is an incredible milestone for anyone but especially for me. I have never been able to do anything like this for more than a month (and I bitched & moaned the entire time). Unless you count that time I went to Camp Kingsmont (AKA Fat Camp) but that was more like forced activity then learning how to eat right/feel better about yourself. I do however highly recommend that camp for anyone who has overweight children. It is the one time in my life where I was surrounded by kids my age who were going through the same exact thing I was. I didn't feel so strange or freak-like after, which is what gave me the strength to make my high school career spectacular (not to brag or anything).

Wow, I went off on a slight tangent there. However, I think it proves my point. I have struggled with this issue my entire life.I have been to exercise specialists, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, doctors, therapists & even aroma therapy all before the age of 14. Then for the past 15 years (yikes!) I just kind of gave up on it. I figured you could either love me the way I am or get ta step-in! The trouble with that theory was that I didn't love me. I could never figure out why people liked me or wanted to be around me since I didn't see much there to be worthy of. I knew I was funny and outgoing but that all seemed like one big facade, trying to prove my point that I could be fat and still live a "normal" life. Now though, I see things so differently. I see that I am funny, I am outgoing, I am someone who is deserving of all her amazing friends & the strangers who are dying to meet her. I used to be so scared that when the weight was gone (or going rather) that I would somehow lose my identity. That I wouldn't know who I was anymore. The truth is, I didn't know myself until I started this journey. I am getting to know more & more about myself each and every day. I am grateful for my "ah-ha" moment every day.

This post turned out far differently than I thought it would! I was just going to talk about how awesome I am and how much I have accomplished. Guess I had more to say than I thought! My other reason for this post was to share my measurements with all of you. My oh so amazing Mother took my measurements the day before I started. So far I have lost:

1 inch from my Neck
2 1/2 inches total from my Arms
2 1/2 inches from my Chest
4 1/2 inches from my Waist

Annnnndddd...(drum roll)

7 inches from my Hips!!!

That's a grand total of 17 1/2 inches in 1 month!!!! I couldn't have asked for a better monthaversary than that!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

An Interview with G-Man

While looking through my drawer at work I found one of my notepads from a few months ago. I know, I know...your thinking "Lynne, really? Who gives a rat's ass?". WELL if you had given me a chance to finish I could have told you I found something(man! you guys are impatient!). I was in an incredibly boring meeting and I started to write down anything that came into my head. As I meandered through various thoughts, I suddenly stumble across G (for those of you new to my blog click here to see who G is). It looks like I am actually interviewing him, with one handwriting for me and another one for him. If I had a fancy scanner (what is this 1995?) I would just scan this baby in and you could see for yourself. Alas though I am scanner-less(and less of a person for it damn it!) so I will have to transcribe it for you.
Ready? Ok let's go!

Me: There is never a good time to do this

G: I DON'T WANT TO!!! (sounds like someone is being a bit of a baby)

Me: Why?Why? Why? Why? Why? (being equally as petulant back..fight fire with fire I always say)

G: Because it means change. You don't know that all the incredibly hard work will be worth the effort.

Me: What else are you doing? Your just going through each day, not really living.(Truth)

G: What is living? (looks like G is going Emo on us)

Me: Saddest question ever!! Why are you so against these things?

G: It only leads to pain

Me: So you're painless now?

G:  No....but I am comfortable

Me: Comfortable how?

G: In my routine. People let me get away with sooooo much

Me: Why don't you want to be responsible?

G: What's good about it?

Me: Knowing that YOU controlled your life. Not your weight. Not your friends and family. YOU!!!

G: Do I win an award for that? Who gives a shit? What do I get? (ummm...needy much?)

Me: You do. You get the option to do things because you either want to or not....not because you CAN'T.

G: It's going to take years!! 

Me: Of course it is...but by the time your 30 you could either be the true you or stay a child. It will never change until you do something. It's okay to ASK FOR HELP!!!.

To be honest it is really emotional for me to read this. I didn't write it long ago. I see me, I see G, then I see where the lines blur and we are one. I am glad I have this though, as a reference. To see just where I was and where I plan on going. And that, my friends, is as far away from G as possible.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Weigh In Wednesday

I am going to get right to the point (I know how strange for me!) I am down another 3 pounds people! Bringing the grand total to 18 pounds lost in 3 weeks! Before I know it I will reach my second goal (that's nutty!)!! Here is a small list of things I am noticing as the weight comes off.

1.My skin is already getting better

2. Clothes are getting loser (which could potentially lead to embarrassment if I don't get me some belts soon!)

3. My confidence has increased (seriously you all might need to keep me in check when I lose all this weight I might just become some sort of Diva)

4. Most importantly...I am blown away every day by how many people are supporting me. I always knew I had amazing friends & family but every day they do things that make me feel like I am unstoppable. I appreciate it more than any of you can know. Thank you for letting me talk your ears off about the food I am eating and how I am feeling. Someday I will erect a statue in all of your honors. Ok well maybe I won't but in my heart I will (which is a great place I think).

Onward we all go to another day. Today, despite the rain, I am in a pretty great mood. I am also excited to add a new page here called My Progress (oh how sweet it is!). Hope you all have a fantastical (fantastic & magical...doesn't get much better than that) day!

Monday, July 12, 2010

Captain Good Times

On this the worst day of the week I am so glad that I have such a great weekend to look back on. I survived a Wedding and a bar trip all while sticking fairly close to plan! It's pat on the back time everyone (give yourselves one too since I am sure you all deserve it). 

The Wedding was one of the best I have ever attended. It was that perfect storm of great people, great vibe & of course great food! I flirted up a storm with the bartender (which of course I am regretting not giving him my phone number). I ate as close to plan as humanely possible and I passed up cake. Did you hear that...I PASSED UP CAKE!! What? I feel so good about that. It was like a natural high honestly. The only thing I can say that I did that wasn't to plan was having one adult beverage. I caved to peer pressure (why is it that if your not drinking it must be pointed out as a fault?) and had a Captain Morgan and Diet Coke. Let me tell ya, one drink and I had me a nice little buzz (cheap date alert). I danced, I laughed, I talked with strangers. I felt more like my a version of who I used to be in years past. It was a really surreal experience. I want to capture that feeling again and again. This is only after 15pounds lost, can you imagine what I will be like at 50 pounds lighter? Taking this town by storm I assume.

To top all that awesomeness off I also had a great NSV. What's an NSV you ask? Non Scale Victory, something you get that shows your losing weight without actually looking at the scale. Mine came when I was deep cleaning my apartment on Sunday. Not only did cleaning take me half the time it normally does but I also wasn't exhausted. On top of that I was cleaning in PJ pants that just a few weeks ago were a little tight and we have ourselves a home run folks!

I hope everyone had as great a weekend as I did. Now off to face the beast that is Monday.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Change is a bitch

One of the things I dislike most about myself is my ardent aversion to change. Now I am not saying I am any different from most people in not liking change. However, when faced with change, that is not of my own making, I am not the best version of myself. I would liken it to a mother bear protecting her cubs. I am fierce, harsh, judgmental and ANGRY. Angry beyond words really. I feel the anger rise in me like a tide and I can only image what the look in my eyes is (something similar to this I fear). Other than my weight, it is the number one thing I want to change (ironic huh) about myself. I try to do my best to remain open to new ideas and not become this biting, angry person but it always shows up. I am getting better at apologizing though (small steps).

For example, at work today we were discussing a new way to file (I know world altering stuff here people!!). This is on the heels of other major changes (which I finally acquiesced to a few weeks ago after months of pushing) that will make my job that much harder. By harder I mean, take me off auto pilot and make me have to pay a lot more attention. I should see this as the challenge I have been begging for. However, because it is something that I didn't come up with (evidently I am an ego maniac) I will fight tooth & nail against it. Instead of looking at this new trivial detail objectively I became difficult and argued over it. When I took a moment though,  I manned up and apologized for my behavior. I am very lucky that I work with people who don't take my outbursts personally. I am even luckier that they have never gotten me fired (I guess I make up for it for being awesome the rest of the time).

I know it is based on anxiety about the unknown but I wish I wasn't so scared of it. I wish that I was fearless. I wish so many things (mainly for a great house, no debt and a man who loves me) but if this journey is teaching me anything it's that nothing comes easy. You can't wish for change and stop there. The wish is the first step, action is the next. So how do I change hating change? For now it will be to try and stay aware of my reactions and try to breathe deep before I dive off the deep end. I don't want this to always be a part of who I am but I am going to accept that it is part of who I am now. I will continue to apologize for any out of line behavior and hope to be forgiven. I will also continue to look for new ways to handle it all. How do any of you deal with change?

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Weblebrity & other musings

Where oh where to start! Let's start with the awesome fact that I am part of Jack Sh*t's new W.I.D.T.H. card series! Jack has one of my all time favorite blogs, Jack Sh*t, Get Fit and if you haven't read it yet I highly recommend it! He started this project where he asked people to send in pictures of a note card explaining why they are losing weight (Why I Do This Here to be exact). I am so inspired by this series ( and my brave comrades in the fight on fat who contribute!). It has spoken volumes to me. Take a trip on over to his blog and check it out!

Other than having some mini weblebrity( new word here kids...Web Celebrity=weblebrity) I also had a great day. I finally made it over to The Diet Shop in Ronkonkoma. It is like a wonderland of dieting products. I left there with some great new things that I am excited to add to my food.

What we have here is Walden Farms Marshmallow* & Caramel Dip (has a bit of the diet food after taste but it will be great to add to my Medifast brownie or shake). Then there is sugar-free Vanilla syrup (pretty standard issue there) and PB2 (its far too complicated to explain so click on it to read more). I am super excited to try these things out. It will help add some variety to the mix.

As if all that wasn't enough I also tried a brand new way to eat radishes. That's right radishes. I was never a big fan (always found them too bitter) but I have heard a lot about people frying them up. So I picked some up the other day and I tried it out tonight. They were OUTSTANDING!! They have a great peppery taste but softer and not as harsh.As close to home-fried potatoes as I have ever had.  Here is what I did:

1. Thinly sliced 1 cup of radishes (about 10 depending on size). It's key that they are thin since they will cook up better

2. Coat pan with PAM and put on medium-high heat. Let pan heat up a bit before adding radishes. I also added a little garlic powder, salt and pepper.

Here is what they look like as they start to cook....

3. Cook them about 5-10 minutes. They will become translucent and brown on the edges. I tried to flip them once but because they are so thin that is hard. It didn't mess with the taste though

And that's it! So simple and this is what they look like when they are done...

They cook down to about a 1/2 cup so increase as you need. I hope you will all give it a try and let me know what you think! This was my dinner for the night (Broiled Tilapia with the radishes). I figured since I am such a visual person you would all enjoy seeing it!

A great end to my day I must say!

*update: Marshmallow dip was disgusting..smelled like paste! I am gagging now as I tried to eat it

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Weigh in Wednesday

It's that time again folks! When I face the scale and let it determine how well I have done this week (that sounds like a setup for disaster doesn't it). This week I am 5 pounds lighter! Pretty nifty huh? Making the grand total 15 pounds in 2 weeks. Makes me smile when I think of it that way. Once I hit 20 pounds down (next week perhaps..crazy!) I will take a progress photo. Then I plan on taking a sugar baby shot (that would be an awesome name of a alcohol shot!). What's a sugar baby shot you ask? Well my good friend Emily mentioned that last week I had lost 2 bags of sugar. When you think of it that way it's pretty impressive. So I will begin a series of photos of myself with a physical representation of just how much I have lost. Just a little something for everyone to look forward to! I hope everyone has a great day today and please stay out of this god awful heat!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Just call me Rip Van Winkle..

Yeah I am talking about this dude...

Minus the beard and the sleeping under a tree thing (oh and the link to syphilis that he has or so my sister tells me). I am exhausted again. I don't know if it's this oppressive heat (add to that my car's AC is busted) but I can't get enough sleep in. I have been incredibly cranky (my apologies to whomever has crossed my path today) and I can't focus. I hope this isn't due to the diet. I have yet to feel that energy surge that everyone talks about but it happens for some later in the first month (lucky me!). It's days like today where my resolve is truly tested. I would have much rather stopped at Wendy's and gotten a bacon cheeseburger (pardon as I wipe the drool off my computer)than cooked my own dinner. Instead I went to Stop & Shop and picked up new veggies and heated up my grilled chicken. Did my dinner taste bad? No, but it sure as shit didn't taste like a BC. I made it through though. I didn't break down, I didn't stuff my face with anything I could get my hands on (which based on my cupboard would have been peanuts, vanilla extract & tuna) and I allowed myself to feel shitty. So hurray for actually feeling feelings, no matter how crappy they are.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Lessons Learned

This weekend has been full of lessons for me. I wanted to blog about them so I don't forget them
(I inevitably will though because we never remember these hard learned lessons when we need them!). 

1. Joy is hiding around every corner (and no I don't mean my mother , although you never know!)

2. Happiness is never more than a moment away

3. I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for (I looked chips, cake, pasta, dips and frozen alcoholic beverages in the face and WON! Take that beetches!)

4. Nature is what I need to feel centered and whole again

5. I have some of the most amazing friends and family that anyone could ask for  
( Thank you all for your support I don't know what I would do without you!)

6. I am still me, no matter what, and that is ok. I will have bad days, I will mess up and I will be hard on myself (I just won't turn to food to shut it up is the difference)

7. I am talented in more areas than I thought (damn me for denying the world my talent for so long!!)

I am sure I learned more things but this covered the most important ones. Now it's up to me to keep adding to this list. What will my next great adventure be? I don't know but I can't wait to find out!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Bad Day Gone Good

When I awoke today I was greeted by dizziness, tunnel vision and a dull ache in my head. Such a fantastic way to start the day, right? So rather than injure myself by attempting to take a shower (I am far too young to die via a fall in the shower) I called out from work. I went back to bed and awoke a few (few=4 hours) hours later and I felt right as rain! I don't know what it all means but looking back at what I ate yesterday perhaps I had too much sodium(because I am totally licensed to make these decisions)? Now since I had already called out and I have a crazy amount of sick time I decided to take full advantage of this incredibly gorgeous day (I all hate me don't you hehe).

One of all time favorite activities is to go on nature walk (my inner hippie likes to get out and breathe every now and again). So I looked up some nature walks that I haven't been too yet and headed to the Muttontown Preserve. Normally, I am alright to go hiking by myself but this place had the creepiest vibe. I really want to go back because I didn't even get to hike in the woods.That would require me to go with someone though (any takers??) However, I did manage to get some pretty great photos. Here are just a few.

 Being out in the fresh air and sunshine really recharges me. I feel more like myself now than I have in the past few days. After leaving there I decided to take the long way home and enjoy the drive. Sometimes I am  marveled by the beauty of Long Island. On days like today I feel truly blessed to live where I do (insert nostalgic piano music here). On my way home I stopped by Cold Spring Harbor to take a few more shots.

Seeing these pictures makes me so happy. I know I am moving ever closer to my goal of 50 pounds lost and my new digital camera. Expect plenty more visual art to bombard your senses when that happens!