Friday, June 25, 2010

Naming the Voice

So here is what I know about that nasty little voice in my head
1. It is bitter, mean and cruel
2. It does not have my best interest at heart
3. It has fed me lie after lie for years
4. It is greedy and yet never satisfied
5. It looves to point out all the things I do wrong
6. It's snide (and not in a funny, bitter sarcastic way even though it can come out that way)
7. It is scared as hell right now 
  With those facts in hand I have finally come up with a name. That name is (drum roll please)...Gollum. That's right...this dude.

I really can't think of a better image/example to use than this. So from now on I shall refer to that voice as Gollum or G for short. I guess it really depends on the mood I am in that day. For now G is pretty quite but I think he is just waiting for the perfect moment to strike.

He wasn't so quite on Wednesday though. Why you ask? Well I got my scale(the first one I have ever bought by the way) and finally faced one of the many things that I avoid. My actual weight. For years I have never known just how much I weighed. It is one of the many tricks I've used to keep reality at bay. I manned up though and decided to face it head on, realizing that whatever the scaled said it wouldn't matter. I am committed to this journey, to myself  and most of all to life( that sounds awesome doesn't it?). Well the minute I stepped on the scale and saw the number, guess who decided to pipe up? You guessed it, the man of the hour...G. He began ranting about how stupid I was to let myself get to this point, that I will never be able to climb the mountain o' weight loss, that I may as well give up now and go and get him some ice cream.

I let myself feel all of what he was saying, take the weight of it all(i.e.crying). Normally at this point G and I would have gone out and gotten that ice cream he demanded. What G didn't know though was that there was something coming for him. Out of the dark, when he least expected it, I showed up. For the first time in a long time, I came in and saved myself. All shiny,armor plated and full of positivity (with a side of rainbows, puppies and unicorns!). I stood up to G and let him know that now was not the time for such things and to shut the fuck up. And with that he retreated to whatever dark corner of my mind he dwells and hasn't shown his face since.

Like I said, I know he will show up again, but for now all is quiet. I can relish in the fact that I won a battle. Every single day I gain more experience and weaponry to fight G with. So be warned Gollum..your days are numbered...your precioussss(insert creepy G voice here) fat is fading and soon you will have nothing left but the occasional bad decision.


  1. What a fantastic analogy. This battle is like living with a Gollum... and the key is just that... learning to live with it. You'll never be able to completely kill it off, even when you reach your goal. But living with it, putting it in it's place? That's definitely something you can do.

    Best of luck, and I look forward to seeing your progress.