I will start off with the total weight loss (since ,let's get serious, that's what your here for). I am down 82 pounds total. Not where I want to be. I should be at at least 100 lbs at this point. For someone my weight I should be losing 20 lbs a month. I have been losing and gaining the same 5 pounds for 5 weeks straight. It is beyond frustrating but I can't say I don't know why. My old nemesis food has been showing up in all of it's various delicious forms again. I wish that my sleeve restricted me from certain foods but alas, it is super welcoming & friendly to everyone.
That is what my pessimistic inner voice likes to tell me. However, I am not giving up. Despite the overwhelming urge to just say "Fuck It", I won't be doing that. I refuse to have had surgery for "nothing". I can't say it's been for nothing since I am now Diabetes free (a reformed diabetic? I don't know the right term). I think it's time for me to find a therapist who works with food addicts. I have a wonderful therapist but it isn't her specialty. The truth is food no longer does what it used to for me. It doesn't fill the void or give me that endorphin rush like it used to. That doesn't stop me from trying to get it back though.
I never thought that 5 pounds would send me off the deep end. Yet here we are, treading water in the sea of self doubt and self inflicted misery. Change is a bitch and she is taking me on one hell of a ride. I see all of these women in these online support groups, loving life and losing weight left right and center but no one seems to talk about the struggle. They just say how much they love their tool and how magical and perfect life is.
Maybe one day I will be like them. Touting how amazing life is and how "blessed" I am but that day
ain't today folks. I am struggling and am so tired of the fight but fight on I shall.