Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Weigh In Wednesday

I don't have much to say today. I didn't lose anything fact I gained .08 which I wasn't even going to report seeing as it is not a full pound but still. I know I didn't do anything off plan this week so I am a bit baffled as to what is going on. I know it's not muscle seeing as I didn't do anything to warrant the gain of muscle. I am going to review what I ate over the past week and see where I may need to modify. I am choosing to not let this get me down. I could sit here and sulk about it but's the first time in 14 weeks that I haven't lost even a pound. That is pretty good on most diets. When I used to do weight watchers (halfheartedly mind you) I would fluctuate between losing and gaining every week. Since I will be going away this weekend I think my challenge is going to be even greater for next week. Which is why it would have been great to have lost this week seeing as I will be eating out for my lean & green all weekend. There is a lesson here though. Life goes on. I won't stop living my life because I didn't lose anything this week. I know I am doing my utmost best each and every single day so I can't ask much more from myself. Onward and upward (and yes, this is really Lynne writing..I know it's weird seeing such mildly positive stuff on what could have been a shitty day huh? I guess I am changing....)

Monday, September 27, 2010

It's Picture Time

This is for all of my lovely friends who asked me where my pictures were! I hope you enjoy my short little flick (In true Lynne fashion I couldn't just post them like a normal person!!)

A big thank you to my amazing sister, Tracey for being the photographer of my journey!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Weigh-In Wednesday!!

Happy Wednesday Everyone! I am sure that by my cheerful salutation that you know it has been a good weigh in for me..and you my smart & observant friends would be right! I am down another 6 pounds baby (holler at me!) which makes for a grand total of ....62 POUNDS!! Booyahhhhhh! It feels pretty awesome to reach over the 60 pound marker I have to say! It's a major accomplishment! So to bask in the glory that is my great loss I bring to you another installment of  "What Have I Lost?!?!?"....

I have lost this pallet of Coca~Cola! (Pretty sure there is enough soda here to party until the Apocalypse)

I have lost  what I can only assume is a medieval "pimp hand" (How the hell to you give a fist pump/bump with 60 pounds of gold on it?)

Ummm yeah..what?? I lost a freaking washer??? How is that even possible? A canoe was pretty impressive but a washing machine? That's insanity people..pure, unadulterated insanity!

To cap it all off I think that perhaps I will purchase this snazzy shirt to let strangers know just how much I am kicking ass right now...

However by the time I receive it I will be closer to 70 pounds lost and then I will want one that says that instead..(do you see a vicious cycle starting here because I sure do!).

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Weigh In Wednesday!!

Good Morrow all my faithful Lynninites(catchy huh?). Weigh in Wednesday is brought to you today by the letter P (for Protein) and the number 2. As in I lost 2 pounds this week. Better than nothing right? I know what you will all say "Come on Lynne, that's still great! A loss is a loss". I know your right but as you all know I tend to beat myself up a lot (its actually very annoying but I can't seem to get rid of it).

Last night I gave myself some time to ponder over the question "Why". As in.."why do I not value myself" or "why do I think of myself as weak" or the ever present "why can't I look in the mirror without seeing my faults"?. The answer is lack of self esteem. I have anywhere from 0 to 40 on a scale of 100 (depending on the situation I am in). I am fully aware of how other's perceive me (in fact I am hyper aware since this is the only way I seem to feel through others) however, I do not (or cannot) seem to have faith in what they say. I know people find it really hard to believe the things I think about myself because I do have a strong personality (once you get to know me). The truth is, it's an act. It's a well crafted facade that has served me well over the years. I do not believe in it one bit. I am wee bit of a charlatan (carpet bagger of the soul if you will).

This is what I need/want/have to change about myself. That last post about finding a hobby made me realize I don't need a hobby...I need me. While I think that the elements of finding a hobby will be essential in my gaining self confidence, it won't be the hobby that will make me different, it will be challenging myself to face my fears. Fear of rejection and failure ( I think the fear of birds will be staying in tact though). I need to stop seeking ques from others that I am doing well. I need to tell myself that (which feels about as comfortable as jabbing needles in my eyes).

My question is how do I do this? Is it through daily affirmations (which feel completely ridiculous to me but perhaps that is a sign that I should do them since I clearly have no clue what I am doing)?. Do I go back to therapy? Do I join a support group (which I have my misgivings about for several reasons)? Do I pick up a bunch of self-help books and go through them one lesson at a time? I don't know where to start but I need to just pick something and do it. I need to do my homework in whatever thing I decide to do. Therapy was always helpful to a point, until it came to actually doing things (like keeping a journal, doing writing exercises or affirmations).

If only my stubbornness could be directed towards good (since it only seems to be directed at things that might help me). If I were as pig headed about positive goals as I seem to be about my own demise then I could truly be unstoppable! That's the new goal then people. To shift the focus and move away from destruction and towards repair. Perhaps I will start off slow, by listening to this song every day and letting the message seep in. What do you think?

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Live in the Present...

Today while out with my wonderful friend Diane I saw this bracelet...

It made me think of this...

It's a beautiful reminder of exactly what I need to be focusing on. I feel in such a rush to figure out my life. To find my path. The truth is there are some things in life that you can't rush. Some things you can plan for in the future (i.e. retirement) but the rest is up in the air. It also means I can no longer dwell on the past. The past is where my fears come from. I am scared to try things because in the past I failed at them or something like them. I can no longer let my past dictate my future. It's important to keep the lessons learned from past mistakes but they shouldn't hold you back. This is true for all areas of life. Just because I let my dream of being in the theater go because of failure doesn't mean I can't try again. Just because love has come and gone doesn't mean it won't come back again. I know it will sound incredibly silly but this bracelet gives me hope. Hope that I can keep my focus on those 4 little words instead of the fear.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Get a Hobby!

I have a question for all you people out do you figure out what you like? I know how utterly silly that sounds but it's a genuine question. I am in desperate need of something, anything, to help me figure out who I am. While I realize that what we do does not define us but rather the content of our character (Jeez...I should lead some sort of revolution with rhetoric like that). However, I am bored. Bored and out of places to hide. I need to expand my horizons here people. While I may be getting smaller I want my world to get bigger. It was one of my main goals of losing weight in the first place. How the heck do you start though?

I spent some serious hours last night trying to find different "meet up groups". It seems, however, that you either have to be a mommy in desperate need of drinks with the girls, into some sort of Triathlon/hiking/biking/steroid induced sport type activity or into subjecting yourself to singles gatherings (which if movies & TV have taught me anything, never ever work out well). I also don't feel like spending an arm and a leg (inflation is such a bitch now that it would prob cost an eye as well) to try out an art class that I am doomed to fail (while I may be creative I have yet to get down that whole "get your hands to create that pretty thing in your head" part). I thought a book club perhaps but let's get young people attend book clubs. Or at least not round these parts. This is where my search has ended because evidently you can't Google "Tell me what to do with my free time" and get anything of merit. Therefore, I am asking for your help my good friends. Can you help me? Pretty please with Splenda on top!!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Weigh in Wednesday!!

So my friends, how is your Wednesday going? Mine is fine and dandy...what? weight loss for the week...Only down 1 pound. However, it seems that this is fairly predictable. Having my "visitor" seems to do the same thing each month. The week before the weight is off like gang busters and the week of/during my body is being greedy and holding on to each fat cell like it's the last pair of Gucci boots at Bergdorf's (can I please ask what that's about? Perhaps when I am smaller I will understand the allure of such things..). 

A loss is far better than a gain and surprisingly I am not sad about only losing a pound (shocking right?). What I am sad about though is my recent little trip to Melencholia(Lucky for me I am merely a tourist and not a resident). Despite my amazing friends and family I have been feeling lonely. This journey of mine is something that (ultimately) I must walk alone and for some reason it's coming down on me. Overall I feel good and I am happy with the results I am seeing. However, as each day passes and the novelty of starting something new wears off I have to keep reminding myself why I am doing this. So rather than spend more time in this one horse town I am going to remind myself of why I started this journey...won't you join me on this trip down memory lane!

To be a healthier, happier, more able bodied Me
To find out who Me is without this heavy armor I wear
To physically not be held back anymore
To be an active participant in my own life instead of a bench warmer
To see the beauty of my body in every stage
To love myself

All of these reasons are great and I feel better having written them. This, my friends, is a long, long, long journey I am on. It won't be over anytime soon and patience has never been my strong suit. However, with each day I see more of the things I can do and less of the things I can't. I will focus on those instead of the food I can't eat or the boredom I feel.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Weigh In Wednesday!!

So after my rant yesterday I knew that today I would have reason to celebrate (because the Universe loves it when I eat my words). I have done it folks..I have reached my biggest goal yet...I lost 7 pounds this week!!! Making that (can you stand it!!) 53 pounds lost!!!! What? Insanity people!! I am head over heels and yet in disbelief that I reached this goal before my birthday! Now I will have to come up with new goals and rewards for myself (I am open to all suggestions!). In celebration of my success lets see what my weight loss looks like shall we?

                  Evidently I am drug bust worthy now! 53 pounds of Mary Jane people!

I lost this World War II replica toy plane (nothing says weight loss like fighter planes I've always said)

         I lost this most essential of items...An AC unit (and funny story..I am a lot cooler these day)

Last but not least...I lost this over sized (understatement of the century) lungs hurt just looking at this bad boy!

There you have it folks, another successful weigh in! Onward we go for another week...