I am beginning to have the familiar stirrings in my heart and head..those stirrings that lead me to poor decisions & more emptiness. This stirring, however, is not about food (shocker). It's my want/desire/need to connect emotionally with someone (lets get serious I am talking about a man). I have to wonder why all of a sudden this stirring has come about so sharply in the past 2 weeks. Is it G trying to throw a distraction my way so I fall off my path? Is it that I finally feel ready to let someone in to my all too sensative heart? Is it that I finally believe I am worthy of the attention?
I am leaning towards G personally. I don't think I am ready to connect with someone new. I mean I love the thrill of the new and unexplored, the butterflies it produces and the wonderful way it seems to change the colors of the world. However, I know that I am not secure enough in who I am and what I want yet to really pursue something serious. Now that being said do I really need something serious? Can I casually do this dance? I am going to say No. I wasn't good at casual before my journey and I don't think being on it has changed that fact about me. Of course I want the attention (because who doesn't) but I have learned that attention comes at a high price. I become a weak, pathetic version of myself that I simply loathe.
All of this doesn't change the fact that I have a longing. A day dream of meeting the man who will love me and be my partner (no prince charming's need apply I want me a real man). However, I know that relationships are hard work and right now I am taking on all the hard work I can handle. So I am hoping that this longing will die down a bit because I am not really sure how to stop it (besides stabbing it in the night)