Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Weigh In Wednesday

Let's start off with the bad news first...I gained 2 pounds, I am starving and I think about food all day every day. I dream of ice cream, cheeseburgers, frozen yogurt (yes it is different than dreaming of ice cream) and fresh fruit. I am tired of having to explain why I can't eat things, why I don't drink alcohol (not that I really drank before this journey but it seems different now) and always having to say no.

Sorry kids I just needed to bitch for a few there. I am having a tough time with my emotions as of late and I have a tendency to keep them to myself. Which as we all know is never a good idea. I know that most of this is coming about because I am finding myself in more situations that are outside my comfort zone. The one great thing about being fat was that I always had a readily available excuse as to why I couldn't do things. I no longer have that excuse and having to be honest about my anxiety is hard for me. Meeting new people, being around children and large crowds are just a few things that shoot my anxiety levels through the roof. It is based around the idea of having to have people like me. I feel like I have to put on a great act, to mask my gargantuan amounts of self doubt, anxiety and general negativity. It's not that I don't like the new people, or children in general (crowds can go shove it though) but it's exhausting having to hide all those things. I don't know how to stop the anxiety, since I used to use food to help make those feelings subside. I am not sure how I am going to deal with these things, but I guess acknowledging that they exist is the first step.

The good news of the week is that I joined a gym! I decided to give Lucille Roberts a try since it's the cheapest gym in my area. Even if it does conjure up images like this...

(And I will say there was one woman there yesterday who was rockin a neon green one..but she looked batshit crazy anyway) . I am looking forward to having a gym that I can have my own time in. I may even try some of the classes they offer. It's a step in the right direction. It might slow my weight loss down but I know I feel better after working out. Let's see what happens.

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