Wow..3 posts in a week! You must all be bowled over right now! I know I am. Today brings with it another 3 pounds lost. How fitting no? I have been watching what I eat (perhaps indulging in a little extra whip cream or peanuts now and again). My stomach is still getting used to eating this way again. Mostly I seem to have an issue with my lean and green. I always feel nauseous afterwards. Maybe I got some bad lettuce or something?
I am still not back to exercising yet. I have walked one day this week but I will be walking plenty over the next couple of days. I am taking a mini vacation into NYC with my man (insert big goofy smile here). I mentioned yesterday that I am falling back in love with the city. I am so excited to be there with him, to go exploring in places I have never been. Going to the city used to be a nightmare for me. It's hard to love going to a place where you are sure to suffer at the hands of others. In no other place was I treated so poorly as I was in NYC. Without fail, I would be called horrible names, laughed at, openly stared at, had food thrown at me and had children say the most unimaginable things about me. The list could seriously go on. Not to mention, when you are 380 pounds the last thing you want to do is walk around the city. Even in the winter I would work up a sweat something fierce. I could always write off hating the city as not liking the "hustle and bustle"(I am still not a lover of the big crowds in Times Square). Deep down though I knew I was avoiding all the pain I would feel, emotionally and physically, and who really wants to put themselves through that?
In looking back over my journey I realize now just how limited my life had become. The city is just one example of how I would push back from life. I didn't really get to experience my 20's the way others did. I hid. Behind food, behind my fat, behind a huge wall I had built. I lost friends, almost ruined other friendships and did major damage to my self esteem. All so I could have the "freedom" to eat what I wanted when I wanted. I know there are deeper emotional issues behind that but I feel I have rambled on long enough.
I try to not have regrets, for all the mistakes you make bring you to your present, but I will always mourn the loss of my 20's (not that I will dwell on it because everyone loses their 20's...that whole pesky aging process). I am fortunate enough to have rebuilt and strengthened friendships, to regained my love of things I thought long dead and am finding more ways to love myself. Losing this weight involves getting rid of my old notions and seeing them through a new lens. I am rebuilding my life (which sounds somewhat daunting) and I am going to make sure I live it to the fullest. Happy Wednesday my friends...for today is another day to make changes and see what new things you can build for yourself!
(p.s. not sure when I started sounding like a self help guru..but hey the truth is the truth!)