Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A Case of the Shoulds

We all do this...we all tell ourselves what we SHOULD be doing with our lives instead of stopping to ask what we WANT to do. Here are the shoulds that I think rule my life at the moment.

I should be....

More successful
Have a career instead of just a job
Be in a relationship
Clearing out my debt
Have a passion for something
Want to have children

To be honest the only one of those shoulds that I actually want to figure out is the passion. I want to find it again. The truth is that I need to drop all of the pressure I feel to figure out the other things and focus on that. On learning again. On exploring new things to see what I like and what I don't like. How can I be successful if I don't know what I want to be successful at? I know very few things for sure. I know I want to own a home someday and live in it with my husband. I think in order to get those things I need to do the hard work of trying and failing. No one is good at failing but I need to. I need to see what I really want to do. I want to give myself the liberty to fuck some things up because at this point in my life there is little I can do that will truly mess up my future. I am not going to quit my job and spend a year finding myself by backpacking through Europe. The time for such things has passed. What I am going to do is enroll in some classes, any classes that stimulate me. I am not in it to get a degree I just want to see what subjects interest me. This is the easiest thing I can think of to do to try and stimulate my search for passion. Any other ideas?

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