Wednesday, May 4, 2011

What I learned & Weigh in Wednesday

It is not a shock to me (actually that's a lie I am kind of flabbergasted) but I have gained 7 pounds. In a week. I am kind of blown away. I know it's not that I gained 7 pounds of fat. I know that I am retaining water (thank you very much lady issues). I know that I haven't been drinking enough water. I also ate my face off. Literally. I think if it had been coated in frosting I would have had no problem devouring my face this past week. I went off the wall. Out into the wilds of binge eating. Which I haven't done in a very very long time. And now I am paying the ultimate price. In 1 week I have undone almost the entire last month of progress. I know exactly why I did it. I was aware of every ounce of food I stuffed down this past week. Which included the following (in various quantities)...

That last image is what I kind of feel like. I couldn't get enough of these "bad" foods. I know why I did it. As you have seen I have been struggling lately with my sense of commitment. I often need something to kick my ass into gear. Well kids...this is doing the trick let me tell you. While I ate those things I felt like crap. My stomach hurt, I was eating past the point of fullness and I was sneaking food. All habits I used to have. All things I used to do to keep my emotions in check. Which is a huge part of what happened this past week. My anxiety has been over the top, my over-thinking at an all time high and my sense of self at a recent low. I still don't know how to manage these feelings in a healthy way. Writing them down doesn't help. Talking about them doesn't help. The only thing that makes it better (albeit temporarily) is eating. I have tried different techniques but none of them give me the same sense of soothing that eating does. I am unsure of where to go from here. I know I will recommit myself to the plan but it doesn't solve the problem. At the end of the day I still don't know how to deal with my anxiety. I will have to ponder what to do about it. I don't wish to see a professional as I know exactly what they will say and the solutions they will offer (as I have done therapy many times before).  Clearly I will need to take some time and figure out what course of action to take. I will never be perfect, I will continue to have times like these. However, I do need to find a healthier outlet in general so that I don't let an entire week go by unchecked.
Oy vey is all I can say...


  1. We all have our moments, you just have to get back on the trolley! You know if you ever need me I'm always here :)

  2. I hear ya, babe. It's tough - and we all falter in the journey. Just look what you've accomplished OVERALL. Look at the BIG PICTURE - what you have done is amazing. This is just a minor road bump. Accept it, it happened, and move on. Don't let it halt you. Rev up your engine and go around those cones - you got this!!! LOVE YOU!

  3. I had like two weeks like that, but I went crazy, I ate like twelve thousand cookies. it was bad news bears.

    I have a favourite quote that seems to apply to alot of us lately

    we are not our failures.

  4. KK- Thank you for the continued support!!

    Grace- I couldn't agree more! That is fantastic...I have come further than I could have ever imagined and while imperfect it is still my journey!