Realizations

You ever have one of those moment's of clarity that almost knock you off your feet? I had one the other day. It helped to change my mood instantly(toward the positive). Sometimes, all we need is the simple question of why answered. In trying to figure out why I am anti weight loss and trying to find comfort in food, I stumbled across the answer. Change. That pesky think I keep talking so much about.

The change that has me all wound up is moving. It's a great thing. I am moving in with the love of my life and I am beyond excited about it. However, even good change is change none the less. It means leaving behind my amazing apartment of the past 5 years. It means having to learn how to live with someone new. Learn their habits, their quirks, where to bend and when to stand firm. It means having to figure out so many little details that you take for granted over the years (who pays the bills, who takes out the garbage, who checks on scary noises in their underwear at 2am..).

Most of all though I realized just how scared I am to leave my sister behind. In case I haven't mentioned it before (or you are a new reader..if so Welcome!), my sister is my (how can I put this without sounding weird...I can't so here goes) soul mate. I obviously don't mean that in a creepy sexual way (pervs!). I mean it in that we have a deeper understanding of each other than anyone else. Since she came into my life I have cherished her. Yes, we have our moments and fight or get mad at each other (we are human after all). Overall though we have just about the best sister relationship out there. We speak in a language all our own (made up of ridiculous statements and full blow scenarios that we create out of thin air). She gets me and I her. Living with her these past 5 years has been nothing short of magical. In moving, I will lose some of that magic. Getting to come home and share our days. Watch a crazy amount of reality television (until our eyes bleed). Talk about what's going on in our lives and have a shoulder to cry on if we need it. I am not saying that Brian won't be able to give me what I need. It's just not going to be the same (hence change). I dont' want to lose the closeness we have developed. It is going to be of the utmost importance to me that I work hard to keep that (because all relationships take work and attention). We will always be sisters (the benefit of blood relations) and I know that our relationship will grow and change with us.

I look forward to what those changes will be. Her marrying and having kids. Taking vacations with our respective boo's and boolets. Growing old together. Who knows, we may come full circle someday and live out our old age together (minus the cats). In the meantime, I will take care to make sure she knows just how much these past 5 years have meant to me.

Moving is going to be a great new adventure. Once things settle into rhythms again I know I will refocus my attentions. Until then, I am thinking twice about reaching for food to comfort me. I may still do it (old habits die hard) but far less frequently. That a-ha moment has helped me to feel a bit more in control. Imma take that and run with it.

Pretty much sums us up