Back to Reality

Happy Wednesday Everyone! I am still in post vacation mode (which means I am a total space cadet!). I weighed myself this morning but I knew the numbers wouldn't be kind. I gained 5 pounds. However, I don't give a hoot! I knew I would gain (no matter how much walking we did...and trust me we did A LOT!!). I had so many amazing moments that gaining weight is the least of my worries. I wish there was a way to keep replaying these past 5 days over and over again. Memories to last a lifetime is what I walked away with. The things I will remember the most are:

1. Crying when I could buckle my seat belt on the plane and even have a little extra room. It was momentous.
2. Seeing George Lucas as the opening of Star Wars Weekend
3. Watching the fireworks at Magic Kingdom in the arms of my amazing boyfriend
4. Riding all the rides and never worrying if I could fit them or not.
5. Going swimming after a really hot afternoon in the Magic Kingdom.
6. Getting to see Hogwarts and Hogsmeade

These are just a few of my favorite moments. It was the perfect vacation! I was able to do everything that I wanted which is spectacular. Now back to reality (which is always the worst part). It will take a day or two to really get back into the swing of things but I know I will be back on track in no time! My head defiantly enjoyed eating what I did more than my body did. My body will be the ultimate winner though ;)

Let the freakout begin!

Happy day before I leave for my amazing vacation everyone (also known as Wednesday!). I am happy to report a 1 pound loss! It's a nice little present to have before I leave for Disney. Where (as I said last week) I am planning on enjoying myself to the fullest. I am prepared with my Medifood to make eating easier while in the parks ( I just hope the bars don't melt in the heat!). Here are some of the things I am looking forward to the most...

Tasty Butterbeer! You can try it cold or frozen..I may try it both ways!

Hogwarts!! And the "Harry Potter & The Forbidden Journey" ride!

Getting to see this beautiful sight after a decade away

Really all of this...

Of course it is Star Wars Weekend while we will be there so all the people watching will be spectacular! It's like fall foliage for the judgemental types.

Above all I am excited to be going with this outstanding man! That's Brian for those of you who don't know!

On a slightly random note I want to take a moment to reflect how much has changed for me in the past 10 months. I never would have imagained that I would be doing all the things I have been doing lately. And doing them with someone who loves me..just me...not pieces of me or the things that I can do for him. Just Lynne...and while it is scary at times (because who isn't scared to lose their heart?) it has been the icing on this weight loss journey. I know that Brian didn't come into my life because my body was looking better. Rather it is because I starting treating myself better. Sometimes I forget to do that. That is why I am taking a little blog time to remember that treating myself better leads to wonderful and amazing things.

I hope you all have as wonderful of a week as I am going to (sorry but I think it's going to be pretty hard for you to top me but please, give it a try!). Disney & Harry Potter here I come!

One Week Till Awesome!!

Happy Wednesday Everyone! I am down 5 pounds this week. Undoing some of the damage of last weeks killer number. I haven't been perfect but I have been exercising every day and taking in more water. I am hoping that before I leave for DISNEY next week I can lose the last 2 pounds bringing me back to where I was before the disaster of last week. Can you tell I am a little excited about DISNEY????. It has offically hit me that I am going to accomplish some major goals next week.

1. Fly on a plane comfortably (relatively comfortably since no one is ever super comfy on those things) without a seat belt extender!

2. Ride on a roller coaster

3. Get back to Disney after a decade

4. GO TO HARRY POTTER WORLD!!!!!!!!!!! I am dying with excitement!!! I am pretty sure I am going to cry when I get there...copious tears of joy.

This is what this journey is really all about. It's not about looking better or buying smaller size jeans. It's about getting to participate in these things again. While it has been difficult, knowing that I get to do those things is worth all the frustration!! I am going to bring my Medifood with me but I am also not going to deny myself the joys of Butterbeer (non alcoholic wonderment from the Harry Potter books that they sell at the parks) or a wonderful meal out with my amazing boyfriend and his friends. I want to enjoy every single second of this vacation. For me that means not stressing about what I can and can't eat. I will make smart choices. Interesting observation about that. When I do go off plan I have found that I can't buy the foods I once did. I might want a donut or ice cream but when I look at the calories and fat it stops me dead in my tracks. I can't do it. Small victories people...small victories!

What I learned & Weigh in Wednesday

It is not a shock to me (actually that's a lie I am kind of flabbergasted) but I have gained 7 pounds. In a week. I am kind of blown away. I know it's not that I gained 7 pounds of fat. I know that I am retaining water (thank you very much lady issues). I know that I haven't been drinking enough water. I also ate my face off. Literally. I think if it had been coated in frosting I would have had no problem devouring my face this past week. I went off the wall. Out into the wilds of binge eating. Which I haven't done in a very very long time. And now I am paying the ultimate price. In 1 week I have undone almost the entire last month of progress. I know exactly why I did it. I was aware of every ounce of food I stuffed down this past week. Which included the following (in various quantities)...

That last image is what I kind of feel like. I couldn't get enough of these "bad" foods. I know why I did it. As you have seen I have been struggling lately with my sense of commitment. I often need something to kick my ass into gear. Well kids...this is doing the trick let me tell you. While I ate those things I felt like crap. My stomach hurt, I was eating past the point of fullness and I was sneaking food. All habits I used to have. All things I used to do to keep my emotions in check. Which is a huge part of what happened this past week. My anxiety has been over the top, my over-thinking at an all time high and my sense of self at a recent low. I still don't know how to manage these feelings in a healthy way. Writing them down doesn't help. Talking about them doesn't help. The only thing that makes it better (albeit temporarily) is eating. I have tried different techniques but none of them give me the same sense of soothing that eating does. I am unsure of where to go from here. I know I will recommit myself to the plan but it doesn't solve the problem. At the end of the day I still don't know how to deal with my anxiety. I will have to ponder what to do about it. I don't wish to see a professional as I know exactly what they will say and the solutions they will offer (as I have done therapy many times before).  Clearly I will need to take some time and figure out what course of action to take. I will never be perfect, I will continue to have times like these. However, I do need to find a healthier outlet in general so that I don't let an entire week go by unchecked.
Oy vey is all I can say...