Twelve Steppin

Therapy was interesting. It's strange to be back again after so many years away from it. The jury is still out on the therapist. I liked her but I didn't feel an immediate connection with her. However, just like dating, you have to give people a chance (unless they are total lunatics and ask you to take your shoe off in a Starbucks to see what brand it is and to see your feet...yeah, that happened). I enjoy the feeling of being able to unburden myself somewhere other than at home (Brian is such a great man but even he can break under the weight of my round about thinking).

I promised myself that whatever my therapist offered up as treatments (exercises, meditation, group therapy) I would give it a chance. In my former therapy days, I was beyond obstinate. I would only do the things I was comfortable with. I just wasn't ready then. To challenge my ideas or to leave my comfort zone. While my instant reaction to most new things is a tightening of my stomach and a steel-like resolve in my head to not do it, I am just saying yes.

Of course, her first suggestion was Overeaters Anonymous. Way to bring out the big guns of uncomfortability for me lady therapist! I went right to my trusty answer which is "I'm not sure that's for me". She was pretty adamant about it and after a few minutes I realized I have to do it. Not because she told me but because I have never done it. How can I be so sure I am going to hate something without ever trying it (this rule does not apply to anything involving birds though...I will ALWAYS hate anything to do with them so no dice).

I have spent some time this morning taking a look at the OA site and what it's all about.. For those who don't know OA, its pretty much Alcoholics Anonymous but food is in place of alcohol. The twelve steps are there and everything! Here's the thing, the main reason I have never wanted to get involved in this group is their heavy referencing of God. An example of this is "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity". I don't think I can ever get on board with thinking like this.

Do I believe in a higher power? Yes. Do I believe that it can restore my sanity? Hell no. It doesn't work like that. At least not to my thinking. I have never seen any evidence to support such a theory. It seems to me like your saying "I have no control over these things, so I am going to put my faith in this higher power/God, to make me better". It takes the onus off of you and onto God. My belief in a higher power does not include a "plan" or any answering of prayers. I believe that there are mysteries out there and that something as awe inspiring as this planet could not have simply risen out of the mud. That's where it stops though. I just think, that if this higher power was going to restore some sanity, it might be to those nut jobs who kill people, or use it's name to hurt/repress/disadvantage others. That's a bit more important than my eating habits.

All that being said, I am still going to go. I will see what they have to say and if I feel like it's something I can get into. I just needed to get it off my chest I guess.