Happy Turkey Eve Everyone!! Also known as Faux Friday (gotta love a 3 day work week!). Today is a very minor WIW..only down 1 pound. Better than gaining or not losing a thing so I will take it! Not every week is going to be some stunning showcase of weight loss! I had a fantastic weekend in Newport and I ate incredibly well (and on plan!) the entire time. I also walked a ton so perhaps I am just retaining water or something silly like that! If I can make it through the Holiday season without gaining any weight, without going off plan and keeping my sanity I will consider it a win all around!
In honor of Thanksgiving tomorrow I am going to tell you what I am thankful for (seeing as the alternative would be to celebrate the actual happenings of Thanksgiving...but I am not in a "steal your land for shiny beads and oh by the way would you like small pox with a side of alcoholism with that?" mood!)
I am thankful for....
My amazing support system (made of up you dear readers and various other folks) You are all amazing people and help me to see the light through my often dark haze of self loathing. I appreciate you more than mere words can express ( I would have made you a float for the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade but I felt that would have been too showy and ironic)
Medifast..without this plan I would be 94 pounds (possibly more) heavier and wondering how all those other people lose weight without going on the Biggest Loser or having a private trainer.
All the amazing NSV I have had over the past few months (with many more to come)
Gaining my sense of self back in small increments. Its still a work in progress but I can say now that I at least know more about who I am and what my core values are.
That's all I can think of for now but it's a pretty good list! Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Weigh In Wednesday!!
Happy Hump Day everyone! A slow week here at TFSTT...lost 2 pounds this week. Just another baby step towards that wonderful 100 pounds lost! Just a mere 7 pounds away...I can almost taste it!
I feel as if I should bulk up this post somehow seeing as how I don't really write much these days. I just don't have much to write about. Which means good things. I am busy, seeing friends, going on dates, having dodgeball parties (turning 30 is awesome let me tell ya!). I leave for Newport, RI tomorrow with my amazing friend Emily and I am beyond excited. Not only because I get to see historic homes that I have always wanted to see but because I get uninterrupted time with my dear friend. There is also the knowledge that I no longer have to struggle with a myriad of things. Let's take a look at that list shall we?
1. Fitting into a booth in a restaurant (You have no idea how amazing it is to me to be able to do that again..such a small thing but huge in my world)
2. Walk around all day without getting sweaty and exhausted (the sweaty part is really the best part..I won't miss that at all)
3. Spend less money since I will only be eating out once a day instead of several times!
4. Getting stared at because I am laughing not because of how I look (there may still be stares for that reason but they are far less these days)
I feel as if I should bulk up this post somehow seeing as how I don't really write much these days. I just don't have much to write about. Which means good things. I am busy, seeing friends, going on dates, having dodgeball parties (turning 30 is awesome let me tell ya!). I leave for Newport, RI tomorrow with my amazing friend Emily and I am beyond excited. Not only because I get to see historic homes that I have always wanted to see but because I get uninterrupted time with my dear friend. There is also the knowledge that I no longer have to struggle with a myriad of things. Let's take a look at that list shall we?
1. Fitting into a booth in a restaurant (You have no idea how amazing it is to me to be able to do that again..such a small thing but huge in my world)
2. Walk around all day without getting sweaty and exhausted (the sweaty part is really the best part..I won't miss that at all)
3. Spend less money since I will only be eating out once a day instead of several times!
4. Getting stared at because I am laughing not because of how I look (there may still be stares for that reason but they are far less these days)
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Weigh In Wednesday!!
It's that time again people...Wednesday has arrived and it brings with it great news...7 pounds lost this week!! Which brings me to a grand total of 91 pounds lost in 5 months!! Sometimes I am unable to take in the gravity of my weight loss but today I am going to bask in it! I am a mere 9 pounds away from 100 lost and that is unfathomable for me. Never ever in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be here and in such a short amount of time. I had heard of others doing the same but I never believed it was coming my way. I am still dealing with feelings of being unworthy but today I will shelf that and allow myself to feel great! In honor of this I bring to you my favorite segment "What does it look like?".
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| I lost these antlers (he must have been a HUGE hit with the lady elk) |
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| The obligatory Rhino shot...see ya later Baby Rhino that was my ass! |
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| I lost this butter sculpture of someone called "Princess of the Milky Way" (She kind of looks like Laura Bush to me...so I lost Laura Bush off my mid section..pretty sweet!) |
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| I lost this Armageddon suit (my question is do you really want to be weighed down during the Armageddon? I think not..) |
And one of my all time favorite finds...this insane man's Guinness World Record Bee Suit
(the bee beard/top hat is merely a bonus)
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Weigh In Wednesday!
Hi Everyone..I am going to make this short and sweet..I lost 4 pounds this week which brings me finally into twosville! I am happy about it but at the same time I am not really seeing a big difference in my body from 40 pounds ago. I am not saying I don't see a difference at all but just not anything to jump up and down about. I realize it's strange for other people to hear how kind of dismissive I am of all the weight I've lost but to be honest, it's not a struggle. It's not something I work hard at anymore so I don't really feel like all the praise is something I need. It's just my every day life now so even writing this blog seems somewhat strange. For someone who wishes for moderation in politics I certainly live in extremes. If it's not a huge struggle or something that make a big impact I dismiss it. I should probably explore that more but for another day!
Happy Wednesday Everyone!
Happy Wednesday Everyone!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Weigh In Wednesday
Happy Wednesday Y'all. I am pleased to announce that I have met yet another goal...80 POUNDS PEOPLE!!! Booyah! Which means I lost 2 pounds this week and those 2 pounds feel as good as 20 because I am about to cross a threshold that I haven't seen in a long time. By next week I will be out of the 300's and into the 2's. That's right...my starting weight was 380 pounds (my insides are twisting as I write that). There is a sense of shame that comes with admitting that and yet pride that I am no longer there (which is why I told ya).
In honor of this tremendous milestone I am bringing you some more "What does it look like"!
I have lost the gingerbread it took to make this White House replica (The icing weighed an additional 30 pounds but we won't count that just yet)
Ring the bell folks!! I lost this original train station bell (I ring too if you shake me back and forth)
I've lost one of these wheels of Parmigiana (mmmm how I miss thee Parm..but its nice to not have you on my ass anymore!)
Now that I have lost this Iron Man suit does this mean I can now be a superhero?!?!
And my ultimate favorite...I have lost this Spa to Go (minus the creepy couple..I can't figure out if she is saying something like "Oh Dave you silly man" while giving him a come hither stare or if she is saying "Whoa buddy that is NOT the knob to turn the jets on")
In honor of this tremendous milestone I am bringing you some more "What does it look like"!
Ring the bell folks!! I lost this original train station bell (I ring too if you shake me back and forth)
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
A Case of the Shoulds
We all do this...we all tell ourselves what we SHOULD be doing with our lives instead of stopping to ask what we WANT to do. Here are the shoulds that I think rule my life at the moment.
I should be....
More successful
Have a career instead of just a job
Be in a relationship
Clearing out my debt
Have a passion for something
Want to have children
To be honest the only one of those shoulds that I actually want to figure out is the passion. I want to find it again. The truth is that I need to drop all of the pressure I feel to figure out the other things and focus on that. On learning again. On exploring new things to see what I like and what I don't like. How can I be successful if I don't know what I want to be successful at? I know very few things for sure. I know I want to own a home someday and live in it with my husband. I think in order to get those things I need to do the hard work of trying and failing. No one is good at failing but I need to. I need to see what I really want to do. I want to give myself the liberty to fuck some things up because at this point in my life there is little I can do that will truly mess up my future. I am not going to quit my job and spend a year finding myself by backpacking through Europe. The time for such things has passed. What I am going to do is enroll in some classes, any classes that stimulate me. I am not in it to get a degree I just want to see what subjects interest me. This is the easiest thing I can think of to do to try and stimulate my search for passion. Any other ideas?
I should be....
More successful
Have a career instead of just a job
Be in a relationship
Clearing out my debt
Have a passion for something
Want to have children
To be honest the only one of those shoulds that I actually want to figure out is the passion. I want to find it again. The truth is that I need to drop all of the pressure I feel to figure out the other things and focus on that. On learning again. On exploring new things to see what I like and what I don't like. How can I be successful if I don't know what I want to be successful at? I know very few things for sure. I know I want to own a home someday and live in it with my husband. I think in order to get those things I need to do the hard work of trying and failing. No one is good at failing but I need to. I need to see what I really want to do. I want to give myself the liberty to fuck some things up because at this point in my life there is little I can do that will truly mess up my future. I am not going to quit my job and spend a year finding myself by backpacking through Europe. The time for such things has passed. What I am going to do is enroll in some classes, any classes that stimulate me. I am not in it to get a degree I just want to see what subjects interest me. This is the easiest thing I can think of to do to try and stimulate my search for passion. Any other ideas?
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I'm Listening Universe
It seemed that yesterday was the Universe trying to let me know something. We had the author Junot Diaz at our school for a large all day event that I helped to plan. He came and spoke with the freshmen class who have all read his book "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao". He was a down to earth, frank, intelligent, engaging person and some of what he said really stuck with me.
He spoke about what the true meaning of an education is. He said that if you go through school with your fists raised and defensive, you will never truly get an education. In order to be transformed by higher education you have to open yourself and become vulnerable. To new ideas, to challenge your perception of yourself, to try things you are scared to try or never wanted to try. He spoke of how he never did this as an undergraduate but rather as a graduate student. I can totally relate to this..except that I never have opened myself up. I am perpetually scared to try new things and become adamantly stubborn when there is something I don't want to do. Rather than opening myself up and seeing what it might be like I just write it off. Then I wonder why I feel so empty (duh Lynne..use a little logic here!). We all do everything we can to not get hurt but I wonder if I am not hurting myself more by not trying (I am going with yes on this one).
He also said "I don't want to be liked, I want to be understood". He went on to explain that being liked means that you are just alright, that you meet some basic criteria for the other person but it is on a superficial level. To truly understand a person you have to care, you have to invest yourself, and have compassion. It is not an easy thing to do to understand someone. I am lucky to have people in my life who understand me, and take me for who I am, faults and all. It gave me pause to realize that I have rare friendships and that I am truly blessed.
Later that night, when out to dinner with my great friend Josh, we spoke of something similar. Granted it was geared toward my love life (I know your saying what love life?). He spoke about how I should try and push myself out of my comfort zone (we all know just how much I love to do that!). It's true though. I have always looked for men on bbw (Big beautiful women in case you don't know) sites. These sites are geared towards men who find women of my size or any woman larger than the average attractive. I have had no luck (and some seriously negative experiences) on "regular" dating sites in the past. While I am smaller now that I have been in a long time I still don't think I can join one of the "regular"sites. I just think it will be setting myself up for failure. However, as Josh pointed out, I need to step out of my comfort zone and if I fail, then no big deal since I am expecting it to anyway.
Now I don't know if I am the only one, but it seems the Universe is sending me a big ole hint. Get out and try something. Anything new,anything that challenges you to feel uncomfortable. Starting this weight loss journey was most certainly not comfortable (it was scary as hell!) and it has turned out to be a good thing. Stay tuned folks, let's see how much I can push myself shall we?
He spoke about what the true meaning of an education is. He said that if you go through school with your fists raised and defensive, you will never truly get an education. In order to be transformed by higher education you have to open yourself and become vulnerable. To new ideas, to challenge your perception of yourself, to try things you are scared to try or never wanted to try. He spoke of how he never did this as an undergraduate but rather as a graduate student. I can totally relate to this..except that I never have opened myself up. I am perpetually scared to try new things and become adamantly stubborn when there is something I don't want to do. Rather than opening myself up and seeing what it might be like I just write it off. Then I wonder why I feel so empty (duh Lynne..use a little logic here!). We all do everything we can to not get hurt but I wonder if I am not hurting myself more by not trying (I am going with yes on this one).
He also said "I don't want to be liked, I want to be understood". He went on to explain that being liked means that you are just alright, that you meet some basic criteria for the other person but it is on a superficial level. To truly understand a person you have to care, you have to invest yourself, and have compassion. It is not an easy thing to do to understand someone. I am lucky to have people in my life who understand me, and take me for who I am, faults and all. It gave me pause to realize that I have rare friendships and that I am truly blessed.
Later that night, when out to dinner with my great friend Josh, we spoke of something similar. Granted it was geared toward my love life (I know your saying what love life?). He spoke about how I should try and push myself out of my comfort zone (we all know just how much I love to do that!). It's true though. I have always looked for men on bbw (Big beautiful women in case you don't know) sites. These sites are geared towards men who find women of my size or any woman larger than the average attractive. I have had no luck (and some seriously negative experiences) on "regular" dating sites in the past. While I am smaller now that I have been in a long time I still don't think I can join one of the "regular"sites. I just think it will be setting myself up for failure. However, as Josh pointed out, I need to step out of my comfort zone and if I fail, then no big deal since I am expecting it to anyway.
Now I don't know if I am the only one, but it seems the Universe is sending me a big ole hint. Get out and try something. Anything new,anything that challenges you to feel uncomfortable. Starting this weight loss journey was most certainly not comfortable (it was scary as hell!) and it has turned out to be a good thing. Stay tuned folks, let's see how much I can push myself shall we?
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