On this the worst day of the week I am so glad that I have such a great weekend to look back on. I survived a Wedding and a bar trip all while sticking fairly close to plan! It's pat on the back time everyone (give yourselves one too since I am sure you all deserve it).
The Wedding was one of the best I have ever attended. It was that perfect storm of great people, great vibe & of course great food! I flirted up a storm with the bartender (which of course I am regretting not giving him my phone number). I ate as close to plan as humanely possible and I passed up cake. Did you hear that...I PASSED UP CAKE!! What? I feel so good about that. It was like a natural high honestly. The only thing I can say that I did that wasn't to plan was having one adult beverage. I caved to peer pressure (why is it that if your not drinking it must be pointed out as a fault?) and had a Captain Morgan and Diet Coke. Let me tell ya, one drink and I had me a nice little buzz (cheap date alert). I danced, I laughed, I talked with strangers. I felt more like my a version of who I used to be in years past. It was a really surreal experience. I want to capture that feeling again and again. This is only after 15pounds lost, can you imagine what I will be like at 50 pounds lighter? Taking this town by storm I assume.
To top all that awesomeness off I also had a great NSV. What's an NSV you ask? Non Scale Victory, something you get that shows your losing weight without actually looking at the scale. Mine came when I was deep cleaning my apartment on Sunday. Not only did cleaning take me half the time it normally does but I also wasn't exhausted. On top of that I was cleaning in PJ pants that just a few weeks ago were a little tight and we have ourselves a home run folks!
I hope everyone had as great a weekend as I did. Now off to face the beast that is Monday.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Change is a bitch
One of the things I dislike most about myself is my ardent aversion to change. Now I am not saying I am any different from most people in not liking change. However, when faced with change, that is not of my own making, I am not the best version of myself. I would liken it to a mother bear protecting her cubs. I am fierce, harsh, judgmental and ANGRY. Angry beyond words really. I feel the anger rise in me like a tide and I can only image what the look in my eyes is (something similar to this I fear). Other than my weight, it is the number one thing I want to change (ironic huh) about myself. I try to do my best to remain open to new ideas and not become this biting, angry person but it always shows up. I am getting better at apologizing though (small steps).
For example, at work today we were discussing a new way to file (I know world altering stuff here people!!). This is on the heels of other major changes (which I finally acquiesced to a few weeks ago after months of pushing) that will make my job that much harder. By harder I mean, take me off auto pilot and make me have to pay a lot more attention. I should see this as the challenge I have been begging for. However, because it is something that I didn't come up with (evidently I am an ego maniac) I will fight tooth & nail against it. Instead of looking at this new trivial detail objectively I became difficult and argued over it. When I took a moment though, I manned up and apologized for my behavior. I am very lucky that I work with people who don't take my outbursts personally. I am even luckier that they have never gotten me fired (I guess I make up for it for being awesome the rest of the time).
I know it is based on anxiety about the unknown but I wish I wasn't so scared of it. I wish that I was fearless. I wish so many things (mainly for a great house, no debt and a man who loves me) but if this journey is teaching me anything it's that nothing comes easy. You can't wish for change and stop there. The wish is the first step, action is the next. So how do I change hating change? For now it will be to try and stay aware of my reactions and try to breathe deep before I dive off the deep end. I don't want this to always be a part of who I am but I am going to accept that it is part of who I am now. I will continue to apologize for any out of line behavior and hope to be forgiven. I will also continue to look for new ways to handle it all. How do any of you deal with change?
For example, at work today we were discussing a new way to file (I know world altering stuff here people!!). This is on the heels of other major changes (which I finally acquiesced to a few weeks ago after months of pushing) that will make my job that much harder. By harder I mean, take me off auto pilot and make me have to pay a lot more attention. I should see this as the challenge I have been begging for. However, because it is something that I didn't come up with (evidently I am an ego maniac) I will fight tooth & nail against it. Instead of looking at this new trivial detail objectively I became difficult and argued over it. When I took a moment though, I manned up and apologized for my behavior. I am very lucky that I work with people who don't take my outbursts personally. I am even luckier that they have never gotten me fired (I guess I make up for it for being awesome the rest of the time).
I know it is based on anxiety about the unknown but I wish I wasn't so scared of it. I wish that I was fearless. I wish so many things (mainly for a great house, no debt and a man who loves me) but if this journey is teaching me anything it's that nothing comes easy. You can't wish for change and stop there. The wish is the first step, action is the next. So how do I change hating change? For now it will be to try and stay aware of my reactions and try to breathe deep before I dive off the deep end. I don't want this to always be a part of who I am but I am going to accept that it is part of who I am now. I will continue to apologize for any out of line behavior and hope to be forgiven. I will also continue to look for new ways to handle it all. How do any of you deal with change?
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Weblebrity & other musings
Where oh where to start! Let's start with the awesome fact that I am part of Jack Sh*t's new W.I.D.T.H. card series! Jack has one of my all time favorite blogs, Jack Sh*t, Get Fit and if you haven't read it yet I highly recommend it! He started this project where he asked people to send in pictures of a note card explaining why they are losing weight (Why I Do This Here to be exact). I am so inspired by this series ( and my brave comrades in the fight on fat who contribute!). It has spoken volumes to me. Take a trip on over to his blog and check it out!
Other than having some mini weblebrity( new word here kids...Web Celebrity=weblebrity) I also had a great day. I finally made it over to The Diet Shop in Ronkonkoma. It is like a wonderland of dieting products. I left there with some great new things that I am excited to add to my food.
What we have here is Walden Farms Marshmallow* & Caramel Dip (has a bit of the diet food after taste but it will be great to add to my Medifast brownie or shake). Then there is sugar-free Vanilla syrup (pretty standard issue there) and PB2 (its far too complicated to explain so click on it to read more). I am super excited to try these things out. It will help add some variety to the mix.
As if all that wasn't enough I also tried a brand new way to eat radishes. That's right radishes. I was never a big fan (always found them too bitter) but I have heard a lot about people frying them up. So I picked some up the other day and I tried it out tonight. They were OUTSTANDING!! They have a great peppery taste but softer and not as harsh.As close to home-fried potatoes as I have ever had. Here is what I did:
1. Thinly sliced 1 cup of radishes (about 10 depending on size). It's key that they are thin since they will cook up better
2. Coat pan with PAM and put on medium-high heat. Let pan heat up a bit before adding radishes. I also added a little garlic powder, salt and pepper.
Here is what they look like as they start to cook....
3. Cook them about 5-10 minutes. They will become translucent and brown on the edges. I tried to flip them once but because they are so thin that is hard. It didn't mess with the taste though
And that's it! So simple and this is what they look like when they are done...
They cook down to about a 1/2 cup so increase as you need. I hope you will all give it a try and let me know what you think! This was my dinner for the night (Broiled Tilapia with the radishes). I figured since I am such a visual person you would all enjoy seeing it!
A great end to my day I must say!
Other than having some mini weblebrity( new word here kids...Web Celebrity=weblebrity) I also had a great day. I finally made it over to The Diet Shop in Ronkonkoma. It is like a wonderland of dieting products. I left there with some great new things that I am excited to add to my food.
As if all that wasn't enough I also tried a brand new way to eat radishes. That's right radishes. I was never a big fan (always found them too bitter) but I have heard a lot about people frying them up. So I picked some up the other day and I tried it out tonight. They were OUTSTANDING!! They have a great peppery taste but softer and not as harsh.As close to home-fried potatoes as I have ever had. Here is what I did:
1. Thinly sliced 1 cup of radishes (about 10 depending on size). It's key that they are thin since they will cook up better
2. Coat pan with PAM and put on medium-high heat. Let pan heat up a bit before adding radishes. I also added a little garlic powder, salt and pepper.
Here is what they look like as they start to cook....
3. Cook them about 5-10 minutes. They will become translucent and brown on the edges. I tried to flip them once but because they are so thin that is hard. It didn't mess with the taste though
And that's it! So simple and this is what they look like when they are done...
They cook down to about a 1/2 cup so increase as you need. I hope you will all give it a try and let me know what you think! This was my dinner for the night (Broiled Tilapia with the radishes). I figured since I am such a visual person you would all enjoy seeing it!
A great end to my day I must say!
*update: Marshmallow dip was disgusting..smelled like paste! I am gagging now as I tried to eat it
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Weigh in Wednesday
It's that time again folks! When I face the scale and let it determine how well I have done this week (that sounds like a setup for disaster doesn't it). This week I am 5 pounds lighter! Pretty nifty huh? Making the grand total 15 pounds in 2 weeks. Makes me smile when I think of it that way. Once I hit 20 pounds down (next week perhaps..crazy!) I will take a progress photo. Then I plan on taking a sugar baby shot (that would be an awesome name of a alcohol shot!). What's a sugar baby shot you ask? Well my good friend Emily mentioned that last week I had lost 2 bags of sugar. When you think of it that way it's pretty impressive. So I will begin a series of photos of myself with a physical representation of just how much I have lost. Just a little something for everyone to look forward to! I hope everyone has a great day today and please stay out of this god awful heat!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Just call me Rip Van Winkle..
Yeah I am talking about this dude...
Minus the beard and the sleeping under a tree thing (oh and the link to syphilis that he has or so my sister tells me). I am exhausted again. I don't know if it's this oppressive heat (add to that my car's AC is busted) but I can't get enough sleep in. I have been incredibly cranky (my apologies to whomever has crossed my path today) and I can't focus. I hope this isn't due to the diet. I have yet to feel that energy surge that everyone talks about but it happens for some later in the first month (lucky me!). It's days like today where my resolve is truly tested. I would have much rather stopped at Wendy's and gotten a bacon cheeseburger (pardon as I wipe the drool off my computer)than cooked my own dinner. Instead I went to Stop & Shop and picked up new veggies and heated up my grilled chicken. Did my dinner taste bad? No, but it sure as shit didn't taste like a BC. I made it through though. I didn't break down, I didn't stuff my face with anything I could get my hands on (which based on my cupboard would have been peanuts, vanilla extract & tuna) and I allowed myself to feel shitty. So hurray for actually feeling feelings, no matter how crappy they are.
Minus the beard and the sleeping under a tree thing (oh and the link to syphilis that he has or so my sister tells me). I am exhausted again. I don't know if it's this oppressive heat (add to that my car's AC is busted) but I can't get enough sleep in. I have been incredibly cranky (my apologies to whomever has crossed my path today) and I can't focus. I hope this isn't due to the diet. I have yet to feel that energy surge that everyone talks about but it happens for some later in the first month (lucky me!). It's days like today where my resolve is truly tested. I would have much rather stopped at Wendy's and gotten a bacon cheeseburger (pardon as I wipe the drool off my computer)than cooked my own dinner. Instead I went to Stop & Shop and picked up new veggies and heated up my grilled chicken. Did my dinner taste bad? No, but it sure as shit didn't taste like a BC. I made it through though. I didn't break down, I didn't stuff my face with anything I could get my hands on (which based on my cupboard would have been peanuts, vanilla extract & tuna) and I allowed myself to feel shitty. So hurray for actually feeling feelings, no matter how crappy they are.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Lessons Learned
This weekend has been full of lessons for me. I wanted to blog about them so I don't forget them
(I inevitably will though because we never remember these hard learned lessons when we need them!).
1. Joy is hiding around every corner (and no I don't mean my mother , although you never know!)
2. Happiness is never more than a moment away
3. I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for (I looked chips, cake, pasta, dips and frozen alcoholic beverages in the face and WON! Take that beetches!)
4. Nature is what I need to feel centered and whole again
5. I have some of the most amazing friends and family that anyone could ask for
( Thank you all for your support I don't know what I would do without you!)
6. I am still me, no matter what, and that is ok. I will have bad days, I will mess up and I will be hard on myself (I just won't turn to food to shut it up is the difference)
7. I am talented in more areas than I thought (damn me for denying the world my talent for so long!!)
I am sure I learned more things but this covered the most important ones. Now it's up to me to keep adding to this list. What will my next great adventure be? I don't know but I can't wait to find out!
(I inevitably will though because we never remember these hard learned lessons when we need them!).
1. Joy is hiding around every corner (and no I don't mean my mother , although you never know!)
2. Happiness is never more than a moment away
3. I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for (I looked chips, cake, pasta, dips and frozen alcoholic beverages in the face and WON! Take that beetches!)
4. Nature is what I need to feel centered and whole again
5. I have some of the most amazing friends and family that anyone could ask for
( Thank you all for your support I don't know what I would do without you!)
6. I am still me, no matter what, and that is ok. I will have bad days, I will mess up and I will be hard on myself (I just won't turn to food to shut it up is the difference)
7. I am talented in more areas than I thought (damn me for denying the world my talent for so long!!)
I am sure I learned more things but this covered the most important ones. Now it's up to me to keep adding to this list. What will my next great adventure be? I don't know but I can't wait to find out!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Bad Day Gone Good
When I awoke today I was greeted by dizziness, tunnel vision and a dull ache in my head. Such a fantastic way to start the day, right? So rather than injure myself by attempting to take a shower (I am far too young to die via a fall in the shower) I called out from work. I went back to bed and awoke a few (few=4 hours) hours later and I felt right as rain! I don't know what it all means but looking back at what I ate yesterday perhaps I had too much sodium(because I am totally licensed to make these decisions)? Now since I had already called out and I have a crazy amount of sick time I decided to take full advantage of this incredibly gorgeous day (I know...you all hate me don't you hehe).
One of all time favorite activities is to go on nature walk (my inner hippie likes to get out and breathe every now and again). So I looked up some nature walks that I haven't been too yet and headed to the Muttontown Preserve. Normally, I am alright to go hiking by myself but this place had the creepiest vibe. I really want to go back because I didn't even get to hike in the woods.That would require me to go with someone though (any takers??) However, I did manage to get some pretty great photos. Here are just a few.
Being out in the fresh air and sunshine really recharges me. I feel more like myself now than I have in the past few days. After leaving there I decided to take the long way home and enjoy the drive. Sometimes I am marveled by the beauty of Long Island. On days like today I feel truly blessed to live where I do (insert nostalgic piano music here). On my way home I stopped by Cold Spring Harbor to take a few more shots.
Seeing these pictures makes me so happy. I know I am moving ever closer to my goal of 50 pounds lost and my new digital camera. Expect plenty more visual art to bombard your senses when that happens!
One of all time favorite activities is to go on nature walk (my inner hippie likes to get out and breathe every now and again). So I looked up some nature walks that I haven't been too yet and headed to the Muttontown Preserve. Normally, I am alright to go hiking by myself but this place had the creepiest vibe. I really want to go back because I didn't even get to hike in the woods.That would require me to go with someone though (any takers??) However, I did manage to get some pretty great photos. Here are just a few.
Seeing these pictures makes me so happy. I know I am moving ever closer to my goal of 50 pounds lost and my new digital camera. Expect plenty more visual art to bombard your senses when that happens!
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